It's a start.

It's a start.
Fresh start of May.

A very dear colleague of mine said, when a bad thing happened, there will come a good news.
Like a silver lining over a dark cloud.
Or something like that.

After the horrifying incident of past weeks, after losing my wedding band... I finally can say this out loud for certain....

I GOT INTO MASTER PROGRAMME OF OPHTHALMOLOGY THIS YEAR!!!

Fuhh... that felt nice!

Some people congratulate me. Some say, it's half the job done. Getting into the programme is not easy. Never been easy and I am blessed, I supposed. Some people, well they say "Welcome to hell" -.-
It feels like entering medical school for the first time, all over again.
Literally IT IS! It is a 4-year programme and lucky for us, I got outcampus, which means, two years in Kuching and the final two years in KL. Otherwise, I would have to pack my life and transfer straight to KL coming June. Oh the horror. 

I know there should not be a hint of doubt anymore now that I have already chosen this path. But, I am only human. I can't help being worried about the new commitments and the new responsibilities. Can I do it? Can I study like how I used to? Can I still perform like the never-ending Energiser battery? More importantly is this concern that has been bombarding the back of my head.... will I compromise my role as a Mother, a Mummy if I were to pursue my career? Can I work and study and mother at the same time? Can I do them all at the same time? Can I still do it? When you have so many roles to be, for so many people, it's okay to quiver. Just for a little while. :P 

But one thing for sure. This is what I have always wanted. This is it!

No matter what, I have to go through this. Come what may, pass the papers and exams and get myself certified as a specialist. No matter what, I know I will have to do my very best!!!! Simply because I can't afford not to - I still have a whole lot of other things to do! Mothering, that's it.

Many of us are mothers now. I know I can't have a mind blowing career, like my single ladies counterparts, without having to sacrifice the attention-demanding toddler at home. I have to consider my family in line. I know my pursuit for my dreams will not be a flowery sunshiney easy journey because I have a growing (and screaming) toddler, who needs me as much. But honestly, that doesn't mean that I can only have one or another. That doesn't mean that I should drop what I want to do in life in exchange of something else, something easier. Taking the easy way out is not my style. And simply because I REFUSED to believe otherwise! I do believe I can have them both! When the tide is high, when the ride gets tough, HOLD ON TIGHT AND HANG IT THERE! It just means that I need to have a strongER will, a steelER determination and a more stubborn mind to be successful.

There is a quote that both Dear Hubby and I very much like to use -> "You can sleep when you are dead".

Very sadistic. Very bitter funny huh. But it's crazy true. 

I'd just have to prioritise my time and needs, do things one at a time. Focus focus focus. Accept all the help with gratitude. Dear Hubby and family have always been extremely super duper supportive in my endeavours. I just have to double up what I am doing now and continue to strive my best!!! Yes, very 'Convent' in my very core.

So, yeah.... this is me. At a start of my student life again.
It's a start. It's a start alright.

A start of a long four years to come. A whole long gruesomely challenging years to come.
I foresee eye bags + panda eyes + pimples + wrinkles in my future -.-
If only they have Nescafe infusion. 

I SO WANNA BE CHRISTINA YANG OF GREY'S ANATOMY right now!!!!