Crazy Pot

I have a “friend". The kind who will have sudden outburst of tears at the dinner table in a restaurant if her portion is less than perfect from others. The kind who will throw a tantrum at anyone, literally anyone – you, me, her current lover, her ex-lover, a passerby, or even MY lover (Dear Hubby at that time) when she feels the need to. The kind who gets emotionally petty over something entirely small and is not afraid to show it in public. The kind who smiles and laughs hysterically with you one minute but swiftly gets extremely steamed up and mad if someone mention something that gets on her nerve. The kind who doesn't have a filter in her brain or mouth. A little drama queen, a whole lot of wacky. Let’s call her CrazyPot here.

So, this CrazyPot “friend”, we haven’t been keeping in touch for ages. We hung out, occasionally, in the past. One particular incident where I recalled her head inside a toilet bowl and half-carried half-dragged out by the bouncers. True story. 

But, not exactly the friend I would call and cry my heart out if I have a fight with Dear Hubby. Not exactly the one I would complain to about anything or anyone. Not exactly the one who will know about my next favourite item (itemSSS haha) to purchase in my wishlist. Not exactly anyone in my emergency list of people, or my top ten contact list. Not exactly the people in my life.

Anyway......... one rather peculiar thing happened recently.

She made “attempt” to reconnect with a bunch of us. Which is good. But the bizarre thing was that she ‘made the first move’ and announced her "attempt" over a shoutout. Yes, a Facebook post and the tagged ones were supposed to PM her back. -__-

Eager to reconcile and reconnect? A simple “Hey how have you been doing all these while?” is enough. I speak for all the girls she tagged, when I say, all of us would be happy, and definitely not feeling forced, to indulge and update on our personal lives.

Isn’t it a much more appropriate first move? And much sincere.

Why must I PM her when I don’t feel the "guilty and sad" desire to? 

Why can't she message or whatapp us?

EPIC FAIL.

Digressing.... (The weird part has yet to come.....)

Heck, I do not connect with most of my friends on a daily basis. Nobody does la. Even my diehard faithful friends, friends who I consider brother and sisters – I do not see them for months and at times stretch to one year mark. We meet at each other’s weddings. Haha. Really.

The mere fact is that we are there for each other when it matters. All the times. They helped me prepared my wedding vows - well not exactly vows, just the promises I made Dear Hubby made at the wedding lolololol. They flew to my wedding dinners and gave their blessings. Even when one was heavily pregnant at that time and still she flew and attended my dinner. Even when I had my afterparty at a cheap dodgy karaoke cum pub in Sibu, they made their appearances. The preggie and her husband even joined and got high on sugar (Coca cola). For me, they made the effort. All of them.

All while this CrazyPot did not.

We had three wedding dinners (yeah I know!) and she attended none. 

If we were that much of a “friend”. You get what I mean.

She made a flimsy lame excuse of missing her flights. Knowing her, if she had really missed a flight, she would have made a big-ass fuss over the media (namely Facebook and what else not) and called the first thing the next day (not a couple weeks after) and she would have cried and cried that she missed her flight. 

Because she is THAT dramatic. 

And common sense told me - missing the flight was just an excuse. Simply disappointed. 

However, Dear Hubby and I just kept quiet, politely played along. 

Honestly… don’t RSVP la! Nevermind that now. I don't bother to know.

But then...... I am a nice person. Decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, keeping in touch is good. (Well.... after much considerations, to be honest). And I went and whatapp-ed her.

Retorted with “so happy all of you replied”.

Succumbed to her insincere ploy already. -__-

And came the breastfeeding talk. Which was okay. Many were curious. Everybody is always keen to know more about it and listen to the firsthand experience from their friends. It’s like helping them embrace the idea for their future journey when they are ready one day.

Then...... came the bizarre part.

She asked if Dear Hubby sucked my breast.

!!!!!!! Serious shit !!!!!!!!

WHAT!?!??? 

And when I answered (after I got over the shock and disbelief and reading and re-reading the message and composing myself on the other side of the phone) that he didn’t even dare to touch (I was trying the nonchalant approach, pretending like I wasn’t bothered by it), then she retaliated by saying she needed to work and bye.

Full stop. 

Nada.

So abrupt.

Just like that.

Huh??!!? WHAT!!??!

I was sooooo confused. Like... what the fuck just happened? *smacking my head

What?!?! Why so nonsensical asking if my husband sucks on my breast???

*slamming head

What a "guilty and sad" way to "catch up"....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After ages of not talking, ALL she wanted to talk is about my breasts. -__-  

And who sucks it. -__- 

SERIOUSLY!

*banging head

I don’t understand. 

Why so strange wan???

Who would ask something like that out of the blue???

Who talks like that???

WTF!!!!!

Weirded out.

*hammering head

I don’t know to cry or laugh. FML.

Mainly...... These kinds of information are offered. Not asked or probed rudely. Especially when you haven’t been talking for awhile now. And especially especially when I never share my sexual experiences or private intimate details ever ever ever with her. How dare she.

The more I think about it, the more preposterous I feel. 

Why so odd! Why so psycho!!! 

*knocking head on the wall

Randomly stomping on my common sense, kns. 

I related this rather, quaint story to Dear Hubby. And he just gave me a blank stare. For a full second. Then a frown. Followed by, “She sampat ah? Siao cha bo!”

Hahahahhaha….. Hahahha…. 

Coming from someone who talks a few words and amimical, this is huge. 

I wonder if she asked the other girls (whose names she mentioned on the shout out too) if they recently blowjob their boyfriends or had anal sex or whatsoever. Then ‘ttyl’. 

Hahahhahahhaa…… Hahahah funny shit....

Freaking weirded out right now.

She never even asked about my Baby Maya. Or about Dear Hubby (he was the one who introduced her to me). Or about my work. Or anything else other than my breasts. 

Hahahahhahaha!

Really siao cha bo....

I’ll be fine. As I always do. 

Only maybe I will be left with some crazy dreams of actually breastfeeding Dear Hubby (thank you CrazyPot for putting that image into my mind). -__-

Sure sure, stay in touch. 

Just don’t touch me physically, particularly my breasts (given your unusually keen interest in them)

Hahahahha!

Oh Psycho CrazyPot.