What type of mother is your mother?
Want to know?
Read on.....
This is an article from Psychologies Magazine, the first women glossy magazine. You can check them out here.
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| My VERY first Mother's Day celebration, while still in my confinement month. Switched to carnations, no longer roses. Haha! |
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| Oh Goodness. Horrible without make-up on! Haha. |
I'm going to depict these types of mother using the characters from Desperate Housewives, which is one of my absolute favourite series, after Friends. And Gossip Girls. And Grey's Anatomy. And Sex and The City. Love all these series because, in a way I can relate to them. I'm a medical personnel with a family now, has strong sense (urge) to caring for my appearance and my group of friends are funny and crazy stupid - who I'll introduce soon-ish. Okay, fine. Done digressing.
Now enjoy the read!
1. PERFECTIONIST MOTHER
Typically, an over-controlling, fearful and anxious woman for whom appearance is everything. Her children tend to be hypercritical of themselves, feeling inadequate and emotionally empty, says Poulter.
Typically, an over-controlling, fearful and anxious woman for whom appearance is everything. Her children tend to be hypercritical of themselves, feeling inadequate and emotionally empty, says Poulter.
Children of a perfectionist mother…
Your strengths: You can have a strong sense of commitment in relationships, and are responsible and reliable in everything you do. You value hard work and persistence as core character qualities.
Emotional legacy: You always feel that the opinions of others are far more important than your own. You often have a heightened sense that the world is watching and judging you.
Your strengths: You can have a strong sense of commitment in relationships, and are responsible and reliable in everything you do. You value hard work and persistence as core character qualities.
Emotional legacy: You always feel that the opinions of others are far more important than your own. You often have a heightened sense that the world is watching and judging you.
The perfect example of the perfectionist mother. Her struggle to maintain a picture-perfect life, with her perfect straight glue-like redhair and her immaculate makeup and freshly starch-ironed clothes and plastered smile, despite facing many obstacles in life - divorce, alcoholism, difficult children. Super neurotic OCD. So meticulous and detailed oriented, to a degree of obsession leading to emotional shutdown. Although, I kind of like her polished robotic looks, how she excels in housekeeping - always cooks gourmet meal and set the table splendidly and bake a basket of awesome-looking rich muffins as thank you gift - striving for perfection in every aspect of her life. My type of control freak so obviosuly pales in comparison to HER type of control freak.
Rex: It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time. I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move. I'm sick of you making our bed in the morning before I've even used the bathroom. You're this, this plastic suburban housewife, with her pearls and her spatula, who says things like, "we owe the Hendersons a dinner." Where's the woman I fell in love with? Who used to burn the toast and drink milk out of the carton? And laugh? I need her. Not this cold, perfect thing you've become.
Bree: Rex cries when he ejaculates.
Bree: Why is this happening?
Rex: Because you can't even let me pack my own suitcase.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Why can't we ever have normal soup?
Bree: Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Just once, can we have a soup that people have heard of. Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?
Bree: First of all, your Father can't eat onions. He's deathly allergic. And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion.
Bree: Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Just once, can we have a soup that people have heard of. Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?
Bree: First of all, your Father can't eat onions. He's deathly allergic. And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion.
Anxious, angry, excessively emotional, she is overwhelmed by feelings so her parenting style is based purely on mood. This type has the most chaotic of the five styles. She creates problems, issues and crises in her mind, through her emotions and relationships, and passes them on to her children.
Children of an unpredictable mother…
Your strengths: Excellent people skills and the ability to be empathic. Often great motivators, you offer emotional support to colleagues as well as friends and family.
Emotional legacy: Growing up with an ingrained need to take care of people and their emotional issues, you can be overwhelmed by emotions such as anger, anxiety and depression. You learn early on how to read people and situations, in order to manage the strong feelings of others.
She is not the typical housewife at all. Scheming, dark, cunning, revengeful, notorious for her sexual appetite but also very strong-minded, always with a neatline of funny witty snappy comebacks and balanced of with a body (and thighs) to die for. Real unpredictable. Can't stop her from manipulating what she wants. Sounds like a whole lot of admirations and regards. BUT one main thing that I despise - no matter how deceitful you are, you don't make use of your own child for your own conquest. She uses his relationship with her son, Travers to her advantage and tries to seduce Carlos Solis, who is Gabrielle's husband! Wtf.
Edie Britt: Well it means that you're not good at making... your bed. Mommy doesn't like people saying she can't make a bed because, trust me, nobody makes a bed as good as your mommy.
Travers McLain: If you want, I can tell people you're good in bed.
Edie Britt: What the hell happened to you? Look at you. Your clothes, your hair... Carlos might be blind, but the rest of us aren't.
Gabrielle Solis: I had two children.
Edie Britt: For what... breakfast?
Edie Britt: I have a husband now.
Susan: Really? Whose?
Susan: How do you sleep at night?
Edie: Soon... with Mike on top of me.
3. THE BEST FRIEND MOTHER
She enjoys treating her children as equals in order to avoid the responsibility of setting boundaries. This mother believes her life would be over if she embraced motherhood so avoids that role. Instead, both child and parent assume the role of emotional confidante and partner, leaving the child effectively motherless. ‘In this situation, the emotional needs of the mother are so consuming, she has to rely on the child to meet them,’ says Poulter.
Children of a best friend mother…
Your strengths: You understand the importance of boundaries between parents, children, colleagues and families. Because of your sense of motherlessness, you are often aware that you take the lead and assume the responsible role as an adult.
Emotional legacy: You may feel emotionally neglected with a fear of rejection. You can be resentful and bitter in relationships, tending to feel unloved and under-appreciated.
Very the typical best friend mother - Following her divorce, her daughter, Julie has to step in and act as the parental figure in their relationship. I don't really like this character so much. She is insecure, vulnerable, weak, emotionally raw and open. I feel like she reflects a role that some queer think woman should be. Bla. She is a hopeless romantic and very extremely fragile clumsy. I feel like she is actually constantly looking for trouble itself in life, seeking for drama, very "desperate to land a man". And because of her inability to lead her own life and deal with her own problems, her poor daughter has to take care of her and her needs, when she should be enjoying her teenage years. Well, maybe, just maybe, it is due to her obvious father issue, or lack of it in this matter.
Susan Mayer: So, is that your project for school? You know when I was in fifth grade I made the White House out of sugar cubes.
Julie Mayer: Stop stalling and go. Before Mike figures out he can do better.
Susan Mayer: [gapes at Julie] Tell me again why I fought for custody of you?
Julie Mayer: You were using me to hurt Dad.
Susan Mayer: I can't believe it. This can't be happening. Mike can't like Edie better than me, he just can't!
Julie Mayer: You don't know what's going on. Maybe they're just... having dinner.
[Susan gives her a look]
Julie Mayer: You're right. They're doing it.
4. THE ME-FIRST MOTHER
One of the most prevalent mothering styles, me-firsts are unable to view their children as separate individuals and tend to be self-absorbed and insecure. Their offspring will learn from an early age that their role is to make their mother shine.
Children of a me-first mother…
Your strengths: You are extremely good at supporting others, and are intuitive and insightful with people in all types of relationships. You are loyal and supportive, able to appreciate other people’s needs and solve problems.
Emotional legacy: You doubt your own decision-making abilities. You find it difficult to trust your own feelings on any matter because you view your mother’s opinion as more important and powerful than your own.
Gabrille Solis! A high fashion trophy wife, always looks like she just walks off a runway. Dresses flawlessly in cleavage-showing tight designers, cruising around a convertible sports car - she is the symbol of glamourous persona and undued materialism. Confident, rude, ridiculously quick-witted petite, perfectly formed self is my favourite character in Desperate Housewife. I just like the way she darts around her sarcasm and the way she hops along in her ultra-high killer heels. She is just gorgeous in her cute little figure! Love her mojo!!! Such an irony that both her kids are obese, but definitely not lacking their mother's love for make up and clothes and shoes. Well, to be fair, she has changed after giving birth to her daughters - even sold off her designers in one of the seasons to help the family out.
Gaby: Oh my God, you are my daughter.
Gaby: What? If you were named "Francesca", there'd be no time for sarcasm. You'd be too busy having sex. On a vespa.
Carlos: Hey babe, I'm in the middle of something.
Gaby: Obviously not shaving or putting on deodorant. You look like a terrorist.
Gaby: I'm always getting my Mexicans confused, which I'm allowed to do because I'm Mexican.
Gaby: Obviously not shaving or putting on deodorant. You look like a terrorist.
Gaby: I'm always getting my Mexicans confused, which I'm allowed to do because I'm Mexican.
Gaby: Money can't buy happiness. Oh please. That's just something we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.
Gaby: I did not lose our baby. Stop saying that! I know exactly where it is. Inside some crazy Chinese woman, who also stole a chicken from my fridge.
Gaby: Oh don't play victims with me. I've to walk in heels all day long, you can just sit in a chair and roll.
Gaby: Do you know how bored I was today? I came this close to cleaning the house.
Lynette: God, I hate my life.
Gaby: I know. I wouldn't trade you for anything.
Gabrielle Solis: Susan, if you're not sure what Jessie ment by it, why don't you just talk to her?
Susan Mayer: Oh, that would be way to awkward. She's my boss.
Lynette Scavo: She's your boss? Let her kiss you again and then sue her!
Gabrielle Solis: Okay, we're going to figure this out for you. Were her eyes open or shut?
Susan Mayer: I don't know.
Gabrielle Solis: Well, how many seconds did the kiss last?
Susan Mayer: I don't remember.
Gabrielle Solis: [frustrated] Oh, for God's sake, was it this?
[Gabrielle quickly smooches Susan on her lips]
Gabrielle Solis: Or was it this?
[Gabrielle kisses Susan passionately for about three seconds]
Susan Mayer: Uh... the second one.
Lynette Scavo: Congratulations. You're now dating a lesbian.
Susan Mayer: Oh, that would be way to awkward. She's my boss.
Lynette Scavo: She's your boss? Let her kiss you again and then sue her!
Gabrielle Solis: Okay, we're going to figure this out for you. Were her eyes open or shut?
Susan Mayer: I don't know.
Gabrielle Solis: Well, how many seconds did the kiss last?
Susan Mayer: I don't remember.
Gabrielle Solis: [frustrated] Oh, for God's sake, was it this?
[Gabrielle quickly smooches Susan on her lips]
Gabrielle Solis: Or was it this?
[Gabrielle kisses Susan passionately for about three seconds]
Susan Mayer: Uh... the second one.
Lynette Scavo: Congratulations. You're now dating a lesbian.
5. THE COMPLETE MOTHER
This ideal is only experienced by about 10 per cent of us, says Poulter. The complete mother combines the best elements of the other four styles. Emotionally balanced, she can see her children as individuals and help them achieve their own independence. She isn’t necessarily perfect herself but whatever her emotional circumstances, she is committed to motherhood — regardless of other responsibilities outside the home.
Your Strengths: Because you feel loved and understood you can take risks, embrace change and initiate relationships without fear of rejection.
Susan Mayer: I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary? I had that woman over for lunch.
Gabrielle Solis: It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.
Lynette: Even the limp ones aren't that ethical.
Susan Mayer: How could we have all forgotten about this?
Lynette Scavo: We didn't exactly forget. It's just that usually when the hostess dies, the party is off.
Bree: Lynette!
Lynette Scavo: I'm not being flip, I'm just pointing out a reality.
Mrs. Pate: Yesterday afternoon, Parker offered a cookie to Cindy Lou Peeples if she would show him her vagina.
Lynette: What kind of cookie?
Mrs. Pate: What does that matter?
Lynette: Oh, it doesn't. I'm just stalling because I am completely mortified.
Susan Mayer: Lynette?
Lynette Scavo: I'm in.
Bree: I'll make braised lamb shanks.
Lynette Scavo: I'm still in.
Susan Delfino: So Renee, you have to tell us, what was Lynette like in college?
Renee Perry: Absolutely fearless. She just kept wearing those parachute pants, lesbian rumours be damned.
Lynette Scavo: Yes, Renee was always the one with the fashion sense. Before I met her, I'd never even heard of Gucci or Prada or Chlamydia.
Dave Williams: [to Lynette] You know what a midlife crisis is?
Lynette Scavo: I'm married to a 45 year old man who has a red convertible. Yeah, I think I know.
Lynette: Hi. My babysitter cancelled.
Bree: I've got millions of errands to run so....
Lynette: Please hear me out, this is important. Today I have a chance to join the human race for a few hours - there are actual adults waiting for me with margaritas. Look, I'm in a dress, I have make-up on.
Bree: If it were any other day?
Lynette: Oh, for God's sake, Bree. I'm wearing pantyhose.
Lynette Scavo: I love my kids so much. I'm so sorry they have me as a mother.
Bree Van De Kamp: Lynette, you are a great mother.
Lynette Scavo: No, I'm not. I can't do it. I'm so tired of feeling like a failure. It's so humiliating.
Susan: No, it's not. So you got addicted to your kids' ADD medication. It happens.
Bree Van De Kamp: You've got four kids. That's a lot of stress. Honey, you just need some help.
Lynette Scavo: That's what makes it so humiliating. Other moms don't need help. Other moms make it look so easy. All I do is complain.
Susan: That's not true. When - when Julie was a baby, I - I was out of my mind almost every day.
Bree Van De Kamp: I used to get so upset when Andrew and Danielle were little, I used their nap times to cry.
Lynette Scavo: [sniffs] Why didn't you ever tell me this?
[sobs]
Bree Van De Kamp: [whispers] Oh, baby. Nobody likes to admit that they can't handle the pressure.
Susan: I think it's just like we think, you know, it's easier to keep it all in.
Lynette Scavo: Oh, we shouldn't. We should tell each other this stuff.
Susan: It helps, huh?
Lynette Scavo: Yeah. It really
[sniffs]
Lynette Scavo: does.
We are all doing just great!
HAVE A WONDERFUL FUN FULFILLING WEEKEND, MUMMIES!
This ideal is only experienced by about 10 per cent of us, says Poulter. The complete mother combines the best elements of the other four styles. Emotionally balanced, she can see her children as individuals and help them achieve their own independence. She isn’t necessarily perfect herself but whatever her emotional circumstances, she is committed to motherhood — regardless of other responsibilities outside the home.
Children of a complete mother…
Your Strengths: Because you feel loved and understood you can take risks, embrace change and initiate relationships without fear of rejection.
Emotional legacy: You will have the ability and insight to appreciate that other people, colleagues and family members have their own perspectives. You’ll be able to navigate the challenges of becoming independent and won’t feel emotionally enmeshed with your mother.
By far, the most ideal model mother of all. She portrays the more realistic image in our world - weathering all the burden of the family (immediate and extended), the stress of being a mother and a wife AND tirelessly trying to balance out her family and career. Try being that, AND handling a husband who is going through mid-life crisis. She is one tough cookie, juggler, over-achiever workaholic and traditional mum who still has to take care of domestic stuff. She has successfully represented a modern day mum. One, that I inspire to become myself. Haha.
Susan Mayer: I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary? I had that woman over for lunch.
Gabrielle Solis: It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.
Lynette: Even the limp ones aren't that ethical.
Susan Mayer: How could we have all forgotten about this?
Lynette Scavo: We didn't exactly forget. It's just that usually when the hostess dies, the party is off.
Bree: Lynette!
Lynette Scavo: I'm not being flip, I'm just pointing out a reality.
Mrs. Pate: Yesterday afternoon, Parker offered a cookie to Cindy Lou Peeples if she would show him her vagina.
Lynette: What kind of cookie?
Mrs. Pate: What does that matter?
Lynette: Oh, it doesn't. I'm just stalling because I am completely mortified.
Susan Mayer: Lynette?
Lynette Scavo: I'm in.
Bree: I'll make braised lamb shanks.
Lynette Scavo: I'm still in.
Susan Delfino: So Renee, you have to tell us, what was Lynette like in college?
Renee Perry: Absolutely fearless. She just kept wearing those parachute pants, lesbian rumours be damned.
Lynette Scavo: Yes, Renee was always the one with the fashion sense. Before I met her, I'd never even heard of Gucci or Prada or Chlamydia.
Dave Williams: [to Lynette] You know what a midlife crisis is?
Lynette Scavo: I'm married to a 45 year old man who has a red convertible. Yeah, I think I know.
Lynette: Hi. My babysitter cancelled.
Bree: I've got millions of errands to run so....
Lynette: Please hear me out, this is important. Today I have a chance to join the human race for a few hours - there are actual adults waiting for me with margaritas. Look, I'm in a dress, I have make-up on.
Bree: If it were any other day?
Lynette: Oh, for God's sake, Bree. I'm wearing pantyhose.
Lynette Scavo: I love my kids so much. I'm so sorry they have me as a mother.
Bree Van De Kamp: Lynette, you are a great mother.
Lynette Scavo: No, I'm not. I can't do it. I'm so tired of feeling like a failure. It's so humiliating.
Susan: No, it's not. So you got addicted to your kids' ADD medication. It happens.
Bree Van De Kamp: You've got four kids. That's a lot of stress. Honey, you just need some help.
Lynette Scavo: That's what makes it so humiliating. Other moms don't need help. Other moms make it look so easy. All I do is complain.
Susan: That's not true. When - when Julie was a baby, I - I was out of my mind almost every day.
Bree Van De Kamp: I used to get so upset when Andrew and Danielle were little, I used their nap times to cry.
Lynette Scavo: [sniffs] Why didn't you ever tell me this?
[sobs]
Bree Van De Kamp: [whispers] Oh, baby. Nobody likes to admit that they can't handle the pressure.
Susan: I think it's just like we think, you know, it's easier to keep it all in.
Lynette Scavo: Oh, we shouldn't. We should tell each other this stuff.
Susan: It helps, huh?
Lynette Scavo: Yeah. It really
[sniffs]
Lynette Scavo: does.
We are all doing just great!
HAVE A WONDERFUL FUN FULFILLING WEEKEND, MUMMIES!
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